PHBC February 1, 1998

Series: First Peter, Ser. #40

LET THE WIVES BE IN SUBJECTION

TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS

Scripture: I Pet. 3:1-9; Eph. 5:18-33 

TEXT: 1 Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

INTRO: If you ladies have been reading ahead in the epistle we are studying you have probably been looking forward to this message. I always approach a message from such passages as I have read with a certain amount of trepidation and apprehension. There are a number of reasons for this. First, when I have preached on it, there have been some men who assumed this meant they were masters and their wives were slaves. Second, there have been those women who wanted to explain to me that their case was different. One lady said something to this effect, “My husband isn’t smart enough to be the leader in our home.” Third, it sometimes causes men to declare boldly that they are the head of the house when all around know they are dominated by their wives. And, there are those wives who think that the social condition in this century exempt them from obeying God in this matter. There are still others who think that if their husbands are not saved, that exempts them from this subjection to their husbands.

       The Greek word which is translated subjection in our text is 5293 hupotassw  (Hupotasso) {hoop-ot-as'-so}. In the KJV it is translated put under 6 times, be subject unto 6 times, be subject to 5 times, submit (one's) self unto 5 times, submit (one's) self to 3 times, be in subjection unto 2 times, put in subjection under 1 times, others 12 times for a total of 40 times in the KJV. The word means:

1) to arrange under, to subordinate

2) to subject, put in subjection

3) to subject one's self, obey

4) to submit to one's control

5) to yield to one's admonition or advice

6) to obey, be subject

       It is a Greek military term meaning "to arrange {troop divisions} in a military fashion under the command of a leader".       In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden".

       It appears that in the early church there was sometimes a problem that we still have today. There would be women who were saved but who had lost husbands. One might erroneously assume that because she was saved, she need not be in subjection to her own husband. In fact, even some preachers have rationalized that a wife should not be in subjection to a lost man, rather, she should be in subjection to the men of the congregation and should manifest this subjection by wearing some kind of little scarf, hat, or doily on her head.

I.           CONSIDER THE BIBLICAL REASONS FOR A WIFE’S SUBJECTION TO HER HUSBAND

A.       Paul admonishes wives to submit themselves unto their own husbands as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

1.        The expression “as unto the Lord” does not mean “submit yourselves to your own husband as you also submit yourselves to the Lord.”

2.        Rather, it has the idea that when you submit yourself to your husband it is as though you were submitting yourself to the Lord.

3.        It has the same idea that is expressed in the Lord’s declaration at the judgment of the nations. Matthew 25:37-40 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? 38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? 39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? 40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

B.       Just as the Lord’s churches are to be subject to him, so wives are to be subject to their own husbands. Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

1.        Some have argued that this only applies to certain things, such as spiritual matters.

2.        Paul gives it a broader scope here than that. He says the wife is to be subject “in every thing.”

C.       Before we leave the book of Ephesians we should note another word Paul uses in the same vein. Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

1.        The word translated reverence here is the word from which we get our word phobia.

2.        It means, as used in verse 33, “to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience.”

D.       In his epistle to the Colossians Paul admonishes this same subjection of Christian wives. Colossians 3:18     Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1.        This subjection is not to be looked upon by wives as an undue requirement.

2.        It is simply fitting in the Lord; it is what should be natural to a Christian wife and consistent with living a godly life.

E.       In his epistle to Titus Paul treats this matter again when he tells Titus to teach the older women so Titus 2:4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

1.        Here we have yet another reason for the wife to be subject to her own husband.

2.        Failure to do so will cause the word of God to be blasphemed. Proverbs 21:9 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

3.        Brawling here means contentious, a woman who is always contending with her husband, especially in rebellion against his headship.

4.        Ladies, don’t cause the word of God to be blasphemed by your failure to be in subjection to your own husband.

F.        Another reason for the wives to be in subjection to their own husbands is that their loving submission could very well be a means God uses in bringing them to salvation. 1 Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

G.       The example  godly women have set is another reason for being in subjection to one’s husband. 1 Peter 3:5-6 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

1.        He gives Sarah as just one example of such submission and reverential respect. Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.

2.        No Christian woman could do better than following the example of Sarah in this matter. whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

H.       One other reason, and the most important reason for a wife to be in subjection to her own husband is because God commanded it.

1.        It has always been the will of God that it be this way. Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

2.        This subjection and quietness of spirit is to be manifest in church life as well as home life. 1 Timothy 2:11-15 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.  1 Corinthians 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

3.        Every verse which we have read on the other points sustain this Divine requirement of the wives’ submission to their husbands.

4.        The lessons of headship command this submission of the wives to their husbands. 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

I.           The importance of this relationship of husband and wife is revealed again in the matter of a woman making vows. Numbers 30:6-16 And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; 7 And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. 8 But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her. 9 But every vow of a widow, and of her that is divorced, wherewith they have bound their souls, shall stand against her. 10 And if she vowed in her husband's house, or bound her soul by a bond with an oath; 11 And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her, and disallowed her not: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. 12 But if her husband hath utterly made them void on the day he heard them; then whatsoever proceeded out of her lips concerning her vows, or concerning the bond of her soul, shall not stand: her husband hath made them void; and the LORD shall forgive her. 13 Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void. 14 But if her husband altogether hold his peace at her from day to day; then he establisheth all her vows, or all her bonds, which are upon her: he confirmeth them, because he held his peace at her in the day that he heard them. 15 But if he shall any ways make them void after that he hath heard them; then he shall bear her iniquity. 16 These are the statutes, which the LORD commanded Moses, between a man and his wife, between the father and his daughter, being yet in her youth in her father's house.

II.         EXEMPLARY WARNINGS TO THOSE WHO REFUSE TO BE IN SUBJECTION TO THEIR HUSBANDS

A.       Vashti lost her position and honor because she was not in subjection to her husband. Esther 1:15-22 What shall we do unto the queen Vashti according to law, because she hath not performed the commandment of the king Ahasuerus by the chamberlains? 16 And Memucan answered before the king and the princes, Vashti the queen hath not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all the people that are in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus. 17 For this deed of the queen shall come abroad unto all women, so that they shall despise their husbands in their eyes, when it shall be reported, The king Ahasuerus commanded Vashti the queen to be brought in before him, but she came not. 18 Likewise shall the ladies of Persia and Media say this day unto all the king's princes, which have heard of the deed of the queen. Thus shall there arise too much contempt and wrath. 19 If it please the king, let there go a royal commandment from him, and let it be written among the laws of the Persians and the Medes, that it be not altered, That Vashti come no more before king Ahasuerus; and let the king give her royal estate unto another that is better than she. 20 And when the king's decree which he shall make shall be published throughout all his empire, (for it is great,) all the wives shall give to their husbands honour, both to great and small. 21 And the saying pleased the king and the princes; and the king did according to the word of Memucan: 22 For he sent letters into all the king's provinces, into every province according to the writing thereof, and to every people after their language, that every man should bear rule in his own house, and that it should be published according to the language of every people.

B.       A part of Eve’s failure which led to Adam’s fall is her not consulting with him before she ate of the forbidden tree.

1.        She was aware of the commandment.

2.        She was deceived in several ways; one of her deceptions was the idea that she could act on her own without the guidance and headship of Adam. 1 Timothy 2:11-15 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. 15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

C.       The wise man Solomon decried the bossy wife.

1.        According to Solomon one would be better off living in a little corner on the roof top of a house rather than live in a large house with bossy woman.  Proverbs 21:9     It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.  Proverbs 25:24     It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.

2.        Such a woman is like a continual drip, drip, drip on a rainy day. Proverbs 27:15-16 A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. 16 Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.

3.        Solomon goes even further in saying one would be better off living in the woods than in a house with a contentious and angry woman. Proverbs 21:19     It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.

III.       SOME REASONS WHY GOD HAS ORDAINED THIS SUBMISSIVE ROLE OF THE WIVES

A.       Their order in creation. 1 Timothy 2:12-13 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.

B.       Because that is what God was pleased to do. 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

1.        It was God who created the man first.

2.        It was God who set the man over the woman. Genesis 3:16     Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

3.        It is God who inspired Paul to write his epistles in which he gave the instructions.

a.        God inspired Paul to write that the head of the woman is the man. 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

b.        God inspired Paul to instruct the wives to submit themselves to their own husbands. Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

c.         It was God who inspired Paul to write 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 where he said, “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. 35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.”

d.        It was God who caused Paul to tell women that it is fit for them to submit themselves to their on husbands in the Lord. Colossians 3:18     Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

4.        It was God who inspired Peter to write the words of our text. 1 Peter 3:1-2     Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

C.       God has ordained an order of command in things.

1.        In the covenant of redemption, the second Person of the Godhead, the Lord Jesus Christ, voluntarily submitted himself to the Father and the Holy Spirit voluntarily submitted himself to both Father and Son. 1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.  Philippians 2:5-8 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: 8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

2.        In the church there is an order. There is an authority vested in the pastor that other members do not have. Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

a.        God sets his pastors in the office of overseers. Acts 20:28 Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood.

b.        The pastor is to take the oversight. 1 Peter 5:2 Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind. 

c.         This does not mean the pastor is to lord it over the assembly. 1 Peter 5:3 Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.

d.        Over the pastor is the chief shepherd to whom he is first answerable. 1 Peter 5:4 And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away.

e.        If a pastor gets out of line, the church has authority to rebuke and if necessary remove him from the office. 1 Timothy 5:17-20 Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who labour in the word and doctrine. 18 For the scripture saith, Thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn. And, The labourer is worthy of his reward. 19 Against an elder receive not an accusation, but before two or three witnesses. 20 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.

3.        There is an order in civil government and God has repeatedly shown his approval of that.

a.        He set Moses and Aaron over the the nation of Israel and those who rebelled against their leadership were punished severely. Numbers 16:1-3     Now Korah, the son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, and Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab, and On, the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men: 2 And they rose up before Moses, with certain of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty princes of the assembly, famous in the congregation, men of renown: 3 And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD?  Numbers 16:32-33 And the earth opened her mouth, and swallowed them up, and their houses, and all the men that appertained unto Korah, and all their goods. 33 They, and all that appertained to them, went down alive into the pit, and the earth closed upon them: and they perished from among the congregation.

b.        He set up judges over Israel to rule them and when they rejected judges and desired a king that was tantamount to rejecting God’s rule over them. 1 Samuel 8:7 And the LORD said unto Samuel, Hearken unto the voice of the people in all that they say unto thee: for they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, that I should not reign over them.

c.         He gave them kings.

d.        He called his ordained civil government the higher powers. Romans 13:1-6     Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. 2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: 4 For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. 5 Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake. 6 For for this cause pay ye tribute also: for they are God's ministers, attending continually upon this very thing.

4.        In the home God has also established an order as we have already seen—Christ is the head of the man, the husband is the head of the wife, and both are over the children.

D.       Women, in a number of ways, are weaker than men. 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

E.       They are more fearful in times of judgment or war.

1.        God declared this to be so through the prophet Isaiah. Isaiah 19:16 In that day shall Egypt be like unto women: and it shall be afraid and fear because of the shaking of the hand of the LORD of hosts, which he shaketh over it.

2.        He declared it to be so again through the prophet Jeremiah. Jeremiah 50:37 A sword is upon their horses, and upon their chariots, and upon all the mingled people that are in the midst of her; and they shall become as women: a sword is upon her treasures; and they shall be robbed.

3.        He again declared it again through Nahum. Nahum 3:13 Behold, thy people in the midst of thee are women: the gates of thy land shall be set wide open unto thine enemies: the fire shall devour thy bars. 

F.        Women have historically been more easily led into error. 2 Timothy 3:6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts.

G.       Women were very involved in the idolatry of Israel. Ezekiel 13:17-23     Likewise, thou son of man, set thy face against the daughters of thy people, which prophesy out of their own heart; and prophesy thou against them, 18 And say, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Woe to the women that sew pillows to all armholes, and make kerchiefs upon the head of every stature to hunt souls! Will ye hunt the souls of my people, and will ye save the souls alive that come unto you? 19 And will ye pollute me among my people for handfuls of barley and for pieces of bread, to slay the souls that should not die, and to save the souls alive that should not live, by your lying to my people that hear your lies? 20 Wherefore thus saith the Lord GOD; Behold, I am against your pillows, wherewith ye there hunt the souls to make them fly, and I will tear them from your arms, and will let the souls go, even the souls that ye hunt to make them fly. 21 Your kerchiefs also will I tear, and deliver my people out of your hand, and they shall be no more in your hand to be hunted; and ye shall know that I am the LORD. 22 Because with lies ye have made the heart of the righteous sad, whom I have not made sad; and strengthened the hands of the wicked, that he should not return from his wicked way, by promising him life: 23 Therefore ye shall see no more vanity, nor divine divinations: for I will deliver my people out of your hand: and ye shall know that I am the LORD.  Jeremiah 7:18 The children gather wood, and the fathers kindle the fire, and the women knead their dough, to make cakes to the queen of heaven, and to pour out drink offerings unto other gods, that they may provoke me to anger.

H.       Women were very instrumental in bringing trouble upon the nation of Israel according to the counsel which Balaam gave to Balak. Numbers 31:15-17 And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive? 16 Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD. 17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

I.           It was a wicked woman who stirred up Ahab to sin. 1 Kings 21:25 But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the LORD, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up.

J.         It was outlandish women who caused Solomon to sin as greatly as he did. Nehemiah 13:26 Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? yet among many nations was there no king like him, who was beloved of his God, and God made him king over all Israel: nevertheless even him did outlandish women cause to sin.

K.       God pitied his people when women, or men who were weak like women, ruled over them. Isaiah 3:12 As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.

L.        In every organization there must be a

IV.     SOME DEFINITE EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE

A.       As in the matter of submission to civil government there are exceptions to the rule of submission.

B.       Christian women must hear God more than they hear there husbands. Acts 4:18-20 And they called them, and commanded them not to speak at all nor teach in the name of Jesus. 19 But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye. 20 For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard.

C.       Christian women most obey God first and foremost. Acts 5:27-29 And when they had brought them, they set them before the council: and the high priest asked them, 28 Saying, Did not we straitly command you that ye should not teach in this name? and, behold, ye have filled Jerusalem with your doctrine, and intend to bring this man's blood upon us. 29 Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.

1.        God commands the assembling together of his saints and if a husband were to forbid that it would be Scriptural for a wife to attend services any way. Hebrews 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

2.        A wife would be perfectly right in refusing to submit to her husband if he were to tell her to do something immoral.

a.        Wife whose husband was demanding that she dress in manner she felt was immoral and unbecoming a Christian.

b.        Wife whose husband wanted her to go to the VFW hall and drink and gamble.

c.         I have even known of at least one situation where a husband asked his wife to give herself to another man in payment of a debt.

3.        A wife would be perfectly right in refusing to submit to her husband if he were to tell her to do something illegal.

a.        My sister’s husband who was in Vietnam sent her the seed and asked her to plant marijuana for him so it would be ready when he got home.

b.        He also tried to make her take dope with him.

D.       No wife is ever obligated by the words of Peter to do that which is against the law, immoral, or would force her to violate a command of God.

E.       No wife is ever obligated by the commands of submission to submit if her husband when he expects unreasonable things.

1.        A few men expect their wives to hold a job, do all the house work and yard work, take care of the children, and wait on him hand and foot in the evening while he watches the ballgame on TV.

2.        He must honor her as the weaker vessel and realize there are some things she cannot do and he should not expect her to do. 1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

F.        You may think of other exceptions but where a husband loves his wife as his own body and a wife lovingly submits to her husband, all in this matter will fall into place and be well.

CONC: I want to close by saying that there have been some great women who were leaders such as Deborah, Esther, and Miriam, the sister of Moses. But, by and large, the greatest Christian women have been women who simple led the kind of life described in this third chapter of First Peter. Godly, submissive wives whose first concern was the welfare of their husbands and chldren. 1 Peter 3:1-2     Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.